TOW Easter Surprises
by imagineif
Summary: Rachel puts on a dinner for everyone that only Emily likes, and Chandler wants to move in with Monica. Ch3 The news is broken to Ross, and a mystery illness is solved... The finale to an alternative season 5
1. Default Chapter

AN: This won't be finished by Easter. Even the Valentine's fic won't be finished by then (maybe but I think it will take another two chapters). But I wanted to do an Easter fic and it makes no sense to start it after Easter so here goes.

This is in the same story line as 'Just for Us' – the same alternative season 5 – getting close to the end of that season.

**Dinner with Friends**

Time: A week before Easter

Rachel was proud of herself. She had made dinner all by herself from a recipe book and basic ingredients. She hadn't cheated even once, although she'd been tempted to. It was the first meal in her new apartment, aside from take out and it was in some way a house warming. Monica had offered to help, not just because she was Monica, but also because Rachel was keeping a very important secret for her, not that Rachel needed any bribery.

It would take special care to put to Ross that his sister would be getting a new flatmate, and not just any flatmate, but Chandler. Of course, he had no right to make any kind of fuss – Monica was grown up, she was already in a relationship with Chandler for goodness sakes – but just because he had no right to make a fuss didn't mean that he wouldn't make one. As if no-one could see they were practically living together anyway.

Rachel had had to spend so many evenings out to give Monica and Chandler a clear field that she had decided to move out. Once she'd made that decision, Monica had behaved very oddly. If anything, Rachel had been worried about offending Monica by suggesting that she make the move, but Monica who was the one who was shifty about it. Finally she came out with,

'Would you mind if Chandler moved in?'

'Mind?' Rachel had stared. Why on earth would she mind? She wasn't going to be there.

'Well I don't want you to think that I've been making you feel unwelcome…' Rachel had hugged her to stop her saying such ridiculous things.

'Of course I don't mind. That's the way it should be, that's what I want you to do,' Rachel had said firmly.

The hard part would be letting everyone else know. So far, no move had been made yet, at least not officially. Joey suspected something was up, but Chandler hadn't moved many of his things yet. Those two had to come to some arrangement too – but the hard part would be Ross.

Rachel remembered when he'd found out about the relationship in the first place. The sneaking around had been terrible and then Emily had spotted what was going on and had rolled her eyes and said,

'Just tell him! He's just going to have to put up with it.' Like it was that simple. But it had been. On hearing the news, Ross had started on his explosive trip to the stratosphere when Emily had intercepted with an angry,

'How can you be so selfish? You're happy so why can't they be happy?' Somehow, when he tried to explain it to her, a person whom it had to be said was an outsider at that stage, for all she was Ross's wife, it had sounded so silly. Emily pretended that she couldn't understand any of Ross's objections, which led him to say,

'How could you be happy that they did this at our wedding!'

'At least someone was happy then!' Emily had shot back, spiking his guns. That had been the end of his resistance – but that had just been to the idea of Monica and Chandler dating. This was another thing entirely.

Rachel took another look at her table setting. It hadn't been easy, but she'd done it. She deferred thinking about the kitchen. She had been able to pull across an indoor louvre which hid the damage that promised hours of toil. Maybe it wouldn't look so bad the next time she went into the kitchen – not that she felt like testing this out now.

Everyone arrived almost together, and suddenly her flat was full of noise, flowers, bottles of wine, and a cake. Rachel hadn't been able to stop Monica from having a peek in the kitchen and she knew that she didn't approve of what she saw there. Rachel told herself that she wouldn't approve of anything anyway.

Then she brought it all out. She wasn't pleased with the looks of apprehension she saw on their faces, and she demanded,

'What?'

'Oh, nothing,' Ross said.

'Nothing,' Monica said. Everyone else just looked down at their plates. 'Here,' Monica said, 'I'll help you dish up.' It really wasn't that bad. She'd made macaroni cheese, salad, and grilled some fish. The fish hadn't been planned but someone had told her while out shopping that it was a good deal and worth getting.

There was lots of dinner conversation, but Rachel, who had been watching closely, noticed that not much eating was going on. In fact, she heard Chandler, or thought she heard him mention the word glue. Ha, so he'd like it if she told Ross would he? But Monica was forcing herself to eat.

'Seconds, Joey?' Rachel asked.

'No thanks Rachel, I'm full.' Everyone else shot him a look of surprised. 'I er ate before I came – I forgot, sorry, gee I'd love to have more but I, I can't. Anyway, I've got to go on a diet.'

'What diet is this?' Chandler asked with a glint in his eye. 'Is this the diet where you eat every single oreo?'

'Um, yeah,' Joey said, 'I'll pay you back.'

'Chandler doesn't need more oreos,' Monica said firmly.

'This is good,' Emily said, 'You just need to add the fish to the macaroni cheese.' Rachel watched closely for any sign of sarcasm. Emily could occasionally drop a sarcastic remark, the significance of which was realised only later. But you could not doubt the sincerity of a woman who was at that very moment scraping the last morsel from her plate, the only person in the room, hostess included, to do so.

'Add in the fish?' Ross asked nervously. Rachel had to admit that this wouldn't have occurred to her.

'Mm yes,' Emily said, as she helped herself to more of everything. 'That, and some mustard.' Mustard? How did that get on the table, Rachel wondered, and then realised she'd put every condiment she had there.

'Ugh, no thanks,' Chandler said.

'It's a lot better than it sounds,' Emily said. 'It doesn't do to be a stick in the mud about food. It's boring if you only have the same combinations.' Monica looked at her as though she was mad. Emily was often the last person to try something new.

'That's so true,' Phoebe said, 'We're too bound by conventions.' She mixed in the fish, added a dollop of mustard, took a spoonful and gagged. Covering her mouth she ran for the bathroom. Emily looked surprised, but fork laden, took another mouthful. That mouthful didn't seem to have any alarming effects on her but Rachel was mortified anyway. More than one person had to like your meal for it to be a success – and let's face it, if you yourself didn't like the meal you'd made, there was something wrong.

'Sweetie, it's all right,' Monica said. 'Let's have some cake.' Rachel was about to say that she'd made some cake, but her biased eye could no longer deny the different between the flat brown disc she'd produced and Monica's cake.

'Okay.'

'And guys,' Monica said, 'While you're all here, I'm doing dinner on Easter Sunday.'

'Thank G – thanks,' Joey said, quelled by Rachel's look.

'And maybe the Sunday after that, you could cook for us all, Joey,' Rachel said, startling him.


	2. It'll Be All Right On The Night

'Wow,' Joey said, two days later at Central Perk. 'You know guys, this is a really big step you're taking.'

'You don't have to keep saying that,' Chandler said. He was feeling nervous and he gave Monica's hand a squeeze. Moving in with Monica was a big step in its own right. From now on, things were officially more serious – and yes, that was a bit nerve racking. But over time he was beginning to think that risky or not, he wanted to try. He knew that he hated leaving all the time and the only way to get around that was to not leave. So if moving in was the first in a series of steps that were a bit scary then he would just think of the positives – more time with Monica – and take the rest, one step at a time.

So the decision to move in with Monica had been made weeks ago, not long after the Valentine's day escapade. Settled, no matter how nervous he might feel. Those nerves were on his side, not caused by Monica. But there was problem that moving in with Monica caused, and this was a shared one.

'Now you're going to have to tell, Ross.'

'Thanks Joey, for pointing out the obvious,' Chandler said. He felt the pressure of Monica's hand in his and he squeezed it again.

'How are we going to do it?' Monica said. She'd been thinking over this question for days, if not weeks. Rachel, who had been flipping through an interior decorating magazine looked up.

'Like you did before, just tell him.'

'Yes,' Monica said, 'And he went into a rage and it was only because of Emily that he didn't go completely nuts.' Rachel shrugged and said,

'So? You're going to tell him when Emily's there aren't you?'

'Well yes,' Monica said. Of course she'd be there, and she'd hit Ross over the head or something if he got out of hand. He'd take it from Emily, Monica realised, another sign that he had started to settle down. Marriage for the second time had done him good, and although Emily had her weird and flighty moments, she was basically level headed and able to give Ross the grounding he needed. 'Maybe I should have told her.'

'No, that's fine,' Chandler said, 'Because then she can be genuinely surprised and Ross won't think it's a conspiracy against him.'

'Only a moron would be genuinely surprised, even – ' Rachel cut herself off. Even Joey's not surprised, was she what she had been going to say.

'Even?' Joey asked.

'I forgot,' Rachel said. Suddenly Ross came in, making them all start a bit, in case he had gained any idea of what he they were talking about.

'Hey,' Ross said, wandering in with Phoebe, who was holding a felafel.

'Hey,' Phoebe echoed. They all greeted each other and Monica looked anxiously at the door.

'Where's Emily?' she asked.

'She can't be here this evening. She's got food poisoning,' Ross said, as Phoebe, who had already heard the new, shook her head. Rachel, who had taken up her magazine, dropped it.

'She's got what?' she asked in shock.

'Oh poor Emily,' Monica said, 'What's wrong? Has she got a fever? Pain?'

'I don't think she's got a fever and she doesn't have pain. It's just that she's throwing up everywhere,' Ross said, just as Phoebe was about to bite into her felafel.

'Do you mind?' she asked in annoyance.

'Sorry Phoebes – but Emily's really sick. She really wanted to come out, but I said no, and I'm only going to stay for a short while. I came out to get some cordials for her, so she doesn't get dehydrated.' He indicated the bag he was carrying, which had bottles of cordials in different flavours.

'Oh, this is my fault,' Rachel said, aghast. The dinner had been worse than she'd thought. She'd tried so hard and now look what had happened… 'I poisoned her. You were right about that fish Monica, I should have cooked it for longer.' There was a reflective silence as each of them took inventory of their personal health, wondering if they had been poisoned too before Joey said,

'Hey, she had more than the rest of us, she had twice as much as I did.' Which would be five or six times the amount eaten by any of the others.

'I didn't have any fish,' Phoebe said.

'She did eat it with mustard,' Chandler said. 'That was really weird.'

'Do you think it was the mustard?' Rachel asked. If that was the case, at least it wouldn't be her fault.

'No,' Monica said, 'That was just a weird thing she did. But Ross, you should make her see a doctor.'

'She's going to see one tomorrow if she's not better. She doesn't want to make a fuss,' Ross said.

'Make the doctor come and see her,' Monica said. 'If she's sick she shouldn't have to go to the doctor's surgery.'

'I feel so bad,' Rachel said, 'Please tell her I'm sorry. I'll pay the bill.'

'No Rach,' Ross interpolated.

'I didn't mean to poison her, or anyone.' It was lucky in a way that the others hadn't been able to bring themselves to eat much because everyone else might have been poisoned.

'It's okay,' Chandler said, 'I changed my will last week anyway. Monica's getting my stamp collection.'

'You've got a stamp collection?' Joey asked incredulously. 'I never knew that.' Rachel didn't smile and Ross said,

'She knows you didn't mean it, Rach. It was just bad luck.' Rachel picked up her magazine and put it on her lap, closed. 'So, what's news.'

'News?' Chandler asked, taken off guard.

'Yeah, news, as in stuff I don't know.'

'Well Ross, there's a hell of a lot of stuff you don't know,' Chandler said, playing for time. 'I mean, could dinosaurs see in colour? Did they give each other names? Hey Bert, I saw that Stegosaurus going down the street…'

'Oh very funny,' Ross said. 'I meant stuff that's happening to us.'

'Nothing,' Monica said, slightly manic, 'It's as dull as anything around here. Dullsville.'

'Dullstown,' Chandler said.

'Dullsborough,' Monica said.

'Right,' Ross said. There was silence before Rachel said,

'I think I'll go see Emily and apologise.'

'Me too,' Phoebe said.

'Me three,' Joey said. Monica glared at them, and said,

'You two don't need to apologise for anything.'

'We know,' Joey said, 'But Emily might like a visit.'

'Emily may be too sick and tired for visitors,' Monica said, gritting her teeth. 'It's not considerate to just drop in like that.' How dared they abandon her like this?

'We won't stay long,' Rachel said, and she trooped out with Joey and Phoebe. Great, Monica thought, that's what friends were for, to walk off and leave you when you need them. Monica turned back to Ross,

'Do you think Emily will be all right for Sunday?'

'Sure, Mon,' Ross said, 'I'm sure you can arrange your place settings safe in the knowledge that Emily will be there.'

'Oh good, good, I'm so relieved. It's a weight off my mind, it really is.' Ross smiled at his sister and said, slightly patronisingly,

'You'll be able to plan it to the last detail. Nothing will be out of place, nothing will go wrong and there'll be no surprises.'


	3. This Is The Night!

**This is the night!**

On Sunday, they all congregated at Monica's apartment. Monica's and Chandler's – although they still hadn't found a way to tell Ross that. They had stuck with the idea of not telling Emily either. It seemed that every time she seemed better, she would suddenly get sick again.

'So,' Rachel said, as she perched on the edge of a kitchen chair, 'Are you going to tell him tonight?' She had gone early to help out, although most of that help was just encouragement. Although she had laid the table, she could see that Monica had already glanced at it with a vague look of dissatisfaction. Tonight was not the night for Rachel to be miffed about Monica's fussiness and she looked instead for an answer.

'I'll have to,' Monica said.

'We both will,' Chandler said, coming into the kitchen area and putting his arms around Monica's waist.

'Get out of here,' she said absently. Chandler obeyed and took a seat next to Rachel.

'I mean, how bad can it be?' Chandler said. Monica and Rachel just looked at him. How short was Chandler's memory? Even Rachel in her deepest infatuation had had to recognise Ross's capacity for unreasonable behaviour, and all of them had seem him in action. 'Look,' Chandler said, spreading out his hands. 'We're dating. We went on holiday together – alone.' Rachel looked blank. She still remembered the cover story – nobody saw anyone else on that trip to Florida. 'It's hardly new. I spent practically all my time over here anyway.'

'Yeah, I know,' Rachel said involuntarily. Chandler gave her a dirty look and then went on as though she hadn't spoken.

'So he can't be surprised.'

'He won't be surprised, but he might still make a big deal out of it,' Monica said.

'But why?' Chandler said. 'After all this time?'

'You know better than to ask that,' Monica said, 'Because he's Ross, because he gets an idea, because he's not used to something. He doesn't like change much.' She shuddered.

'Look, he's not going to be like that. Emily will be here. He doesn't behave so badly when she's around,' Rachel said.

'What if she's sick?' Monica asked. 'He'd probably be worse than usual if she's at home in bed.'

'Would he even be here?' Chandler asked.

'That's true,' Monica said, 'But Emily might tell him to come anyway and not worry about her.'

'Then maybe you can take your cue from Emily. She doesn't take it from Ross and she's only known him just over a year. You've known him all your life. If she can do it, so can you,' Rachel said.

'She's got a better right hook,' Chandler said.

'I could have a good right hook if I wanted,' Monica said. 'I just haven't tried.'

'Of course, and better than Emily, but she's used it on Ross and you haven't.' They paused to remember why she'd done it, but luckily that had all turned out all right.

'Yeah,' Monica said, 'Well I guess they've been through a few things together which makes it easy for them to communicate.'

The doorbell rang and Ross had arrived with Emily. The others breathed a sigh of relief. She was looking well and cheerful, and denied that she was feeling the slightest bit queasy.

'I'm over it,' she announced.

'She was worrying me,' Ross said. 'I wouldn't have let her come out but I thought she'd be safe here.' Rachel looked crestfallen. Ross responded to a nudge from Emily. 'Hey what?'

'He means from muggers in the street. That's what's he's got to keep me safe from, not because I'm not well because I'm feeling a lot better,' Emily said, like prompter for a bad actor.

'What?' Ross said, 'Oh yeah, muggers. Terrible anywhere, but round here, not a problem.' Suddenly Joey and Phoebe burst in.

'Oh man,' Joey said, collapsing on the sofa. 'I nearly got mugged.' Everyone crowded round him asking if he was okay. He waved an arm in Phoebe's direction. 'I'm okay. Phoebe saved me. I never knew you had moves like that.'

'I've got all kinds of moves and I've used all of them at least once,' Phoebe said proudly. 'but I knew that guy.'

'Huh?' Joey asked.

'Yeah. He's terrified of Chinese burns, that's why I yelled Banzai.'

'That's not Chinese,' Chandler said.

'I know,' Joey said, 'It's a Japanese plant.'

'That's Bonsai,' Emily said.

'Doesn't matter,' Phoebe said, 'It made him run.'

'That's the main thing,' Monica said. 'Come on everybody, wash your hands, dinner will be served.'

Dinner began cautiously with aimless conversation, as Monica and Chandler worked their way around to introducing the topic of her new flatmate.

'It's a bit of a challenge living alone,' Monica said. 'what with rent, electricity, and…'

'Telephone,' Rachel said.

'Telephone,' Monica said gratefully.

'I can't figure out why you left,' Ross said to Rachel. 'You two didn't have a secret fight that I don't know about?' He looked puzzled. The way the two of them were acting didn't suggest that they were in the middle of any kind of conflict.

'No,' Rachel and Monica said at once.

'Maybe you better get another flatmate,' Ross said to Monica. His eyes slid over to Phoebe who started playing with her food.

'Ah yeah,' Monica said, just as Emily stood up.

'I'm sorry – ' Emily made a dash for the bathroom. Ross forgot the conversation and rushed after her.

'Now what?' Monica asked Chandler, as Rachel got up to find out what was going on with Emily. Ross returned alone, shaking his head.

'She said she was fine. She said she was okay. Then suddenly she's sick. She's been like this all week. She's got to see a doctor tomorrow no matter what she says. Something's got to be wrong with her.'

'Is she okay?' Phoebe said. 'Do you want to take her home?' Monica and Chandler shook their heads at this but Ross said glumly,

'No. She says she'll be fine. What were you going to say?' He looked at Monica.

Rachel waited outside the bathroom door, and when she was sure there were no sounds, she knocked on the door.

'Are you okay Emily?'

'I'll be all right,' Emily said from inside. Rachel hovered. That Emily was sick was her fault and she just couldn't go away and eat her dinner, a safe dinner cooked by someone who knew what she was doing, as though this had nothing to do with her. She pushed open the door and found Emily sitting on the edge of the bathtub looking a ghastly shade of white.

'Oh Emily,' Rachel said, 'I'm so sorry.'

'Rachel,' Emily began, but Rachel was in no mood to stop. 'I should have asked Monica to teach me how to cook when she was helping you to learn. Stupid, I said I didn't need to learn. There's so many take outs in New York, who needed to learn how to cook?'

'Rachel,' Emily tried again.

'No, I thought I could work it out for myself, I mean sure, I didn't think I could be like an expert or anything, but all kinds of people can cook, it couldn't really be that hard, and look what I did, I poisoned you.'

'Rachel, don't,' Emily said.

'No, you're just being kind, it's all my fault. You've been ill for a week and something could be seriously wrong. You could even sue me, if I had any money.'

'I really don't think this is your fault.'

'Oh come on Emily, that was a terrible meal I made, and you were so nice, pretending you liked it.'

'I didn't pretend,' Emily said.

'All right,' Rachel said, 'But admit it, it wasn't that good. I was so touched you asked for more, you didn't have to you know – not that I'm blaming you, because it's all my fault.'

'Rachel, I think that a week is a bit long for food poisoning,' Emily said.

'It's just a very bad case,' Rachel said.

'No, I mean I don't think this has anything to do with you,' Emily said, with more emphasis.

'What do you mean?'

'I - I can't really say,' Emily said. 'It just isn't you, that's all. It's not your fault.'

'No, no. come on, I can take it, really,' Rachel said.

'I can't tell you before I tell Ross and really I should – ' Suddenly Rachel caught on. She gave a loud squeal.

'Emily!'

In the dining room, a few minutes before, things had become frosty.

'You did this, without telling me?' Ross said. Monica looked at Chandler. He looked back at her. They both looked in the direction of the bathroom. What a time for Emily to have to leave the table. 'How could you not tell me?'

'We just didn't get around to it,' Chandler said.

'No, we didn't.'

'You're living together!' Ross exclaimed.

'What's the big deal Ross?' Monica said, trying to be brave, 'We're already dating, you know that.'

'But – but this is living together,' Ross said.

'So how is that different?' Joey asked, trying to be the voice of reason.

'Shut up!' Ross snapped. 'You two have been sneaking around behind my back. Is it too much to ask whether you've considered marrying my sister?' Ross asked Chandler coldly.

'Ross!' Monica exclaimed mortified. Just then, Rachel's scream came through.

'Emily!' Ross exclaimed, 'Call a doctor, something's wrong!' He ran for the bathroom and everyone else followed.

In the bathroom they found a pale Emily sitting on the edge of the bath with Rachel hopping from one foot to the other, looking excited.

'What's going on?' Ross demanded. Rachel said,

'This is so exciting! You two need to be alone.' She pushed Ross into the room and said to everyone else. 'Give them privacy guys.'

'Hey what?' Joey asked as Rachel shooed them out.

'Is Emily okay?' Monica asked as they moved back to the dining room.

'She's fine, just fine,' Rachel said. Suddenly, Phoebe took on a knowing look.

'Oh,' she said.

'What?' Monica demanded.

'That's why she had the mustard,' Phoebe said. 'Funny food preferences. I should have realised from the way she looked.'

'Woo Hoo!' shouted Ross from the bathroom. 'We're gonna have a baby!'

The Alternative Season 5 finale 


End file.
